Thursday, December 13, 2012

Passion (or, Do You Have An Appointment?)

There are so many reasons to hate Facebook/online social media. It can be so cold, impersonal, invasive, exposing. And the irony is that, in a world that is inwardly-oriented, looking out for "#1", me-me-me-me-ME, "what do I get out of it?" - all the oddly-specific, tailor-made advertisements that observe your every digital move make you stop and wonder just how much some geeky stranger knows about you.

*Insert the heebie-jeebies from The Grinch w/Jim Carrey*

But then. Then there are those little redeeming links that whisper in your ear instead of yell at your face. They speak of hope, courage, perseverance, love...things that most of us wouldn't mind seeing in a banner ad at the top of our page.

The coined Biblical phrase, "Ask and you shall receive; seek and you shall find" applies quite beautifully to the internet. What you ask Google for, you will most definitely find 11,497 pages of. What you seek, you will find in 37 colors, 14 sizes, and gluten-free (and I'm just talking about scarves.) And dog-gone it if Amazon doesn't remember exactly which boots I lusted after, how many are left, and how much my total would be IF I bought them with that dress I just know I'd look amazing in. And then, mysteriously, ads for the boots and the dress are...everywhere. Relief comes only when I'm pushed to the limit, feeling violated enough to scream like a banchee, and delete, delete, DELETE my entire browsing history and every cookie ever to attach itself to my IP address.

BUT. Ah, the sweet potential and saving grace of "but".

BUT, if I seek out other things, things that look good on my soul (not "sole"), things that refresh & restore, or revive and inspire, I will find them, too. Maybe not in as many colors, and maybe not quite as many results turn up, but they always seem to be one-size-fits-most, delicious, and organic (no rBST here! Heh.)

And I have loved some of those sweet, surprising links so much that I want to share them. I've found that if I share them on FB, they go by mostly unnoticed. I believe that is because they are not immediately registered as funny or shocking. But quite the opposite is often true. I also believe that if someone does happen to give it a chance, the subject matter (which, as you will find, is about intimacy/sex in marriage) is not one they feel comfortable "liking" or commenting on and attaching their name to.

Why not? There is nothing to be lost and so much to be gained. And even if something of quality is taken away from a particular post, to have someone see their name associated with material that is "taboo", "dirty", "hush-hush" seems to be very threatening. Sad and frustrating for me to know this while I also know that thousands of couples are hurting, confused, angry, withdrawn, and feeling unloved because no one dares broach the subject of, what is supposed to be, a beautiful, sacred experience shared with the one great love of your life.

If you're looking for tips/techniques/position-of-the-day, you need to try Google again - it will not disappoint (it may, however, scar you for life, so be prepared.) But if you'd like some honest information, insight about the opposite sex, and hope, please see the obligatory bulleted list:
Each of these sites are so good about sharing invaluable information in a comfortable, even humorous, way. Nothing is off-limits, everything is real and real important. And they each have additional links to other wonderful sites. I hope you check a couple of them out (so far, HHH is one of my personal favorites -- anonymous, funny, and completely candid!) You will find a broad spectrum of posts, primarily centered around passion, and how sometimes, scheduling (yes, scheduling) time for "passion-maintenance" is just as important as the times that are overflowing with seduction, glowing candles, and mood-music.


Face it: it's just not always going to be this dramatic.
But I'm free Tuesday at 3.

I realize I'm not married, but frankly, I don't need to be to know that the topic needs some help; that the subject can use a little "push" from someone without any ulterior motives, who doesn't receive $.04 from every mouse click, who has had sweet, private conversations with friends who feel alone or desperate, from someone who values what it is designed and meant to be.