The Mentally Ill Find Me Appealing (Pt. 4)

After such a ridiculous run-down of our relationship, you must be wondering why I stayed with my mental patient for almost 2 years. And to be honest, I really don't know. Fear of being alone, fear of hurting him...no, that's definitely not it...I think maybe I had just become comfortable with the fact that he was in my life. I know that fact was controlling, enfuriating, and belonged in a padded room, but after such a stretch of time, it's what my days revolved round. And to some sickening level, it was comforting because it had become habit--like smoking. I don't smoke, but I compare the two because what I got out of that relationship with Adam was about as healthy and beneficial as methane, but as comforting as nicotine. Both are screwy and logically exhausting, but we do them nonetheless. And oddly enough, my "habit" ended up "quitting" me.
We had hit a really rough patch. Let me rephrase that--I had hit a really rough patch; he was that patch. And so you can understand my trepidation when I went to his house one night and he acted like everything was fine. There were no arguments, dirty looks, accusations, or even pouting (I began to wonder if he'd developed treadmarks on his bottom lip). Adam had flipped 180 degrees and was being affectionate and kind...and I was worried. Something was up. I wasn't worried about the fact that he might be breaking up with me; I was worried that he might have finally come full circle: certifiably insane. I began nervously glancing around his parents' living room for his "little white jacket with all the shiny buckles" or at least a jar of pennies I could shake at him if it got out of hand.
Finding myself feeling a little exposed, I decided I had better go. So, we walked outside and I turned to face him; not for a romantic kiss or even a hug, but to find out just what the heck was going on. Knowing I was risking a lot, I confronted him completely. As I waited for a reaction, I began gauging the distance to his padded room; not for his protection, but for mine. All I got in response was a casual, "Nothing." Ha. Those voices in his head might have convinced Adam of that, but not me.