Today Was Brought to You by the Letter D

...as in:

D)ivorce. Yes, it's still going on. Not much progress has been made. As of today, Levi has yet to see the psychologist. My attorney sent him a letter "encouraging" him to schedule, lest he be held in contempt. I'm not entirely sure what that means, but I've watched enough Law & Order (ok, ok, it's more along the lines of Judge Judy) to know that it's not good. There are a lot of angry eyebrows and gavel-wrapping and who would want to mess with that bulging, black bailiff who always seems to be sweating? Maybe his name is Contempt and he gets to have a vice-like grip on you until you comply. That should give you a quick insight into my knowledge of the legal system.
Anyway, my family and I have our home-visit tomorrow with the doctor. He is coming to observe us. Doesn't that sound hilarious? If he shows up in head-to-toe camo with military-grade binoculars and insists on talking in a hissing whisper as he "gets closah", I'm going to make it worth his while. Eating from the dog's bowl, rocking incessantly in a corner, turning the faucet on/off 17 times in a row, insisting I am invisible and demanding that he not look at me, offering him a bowl of candies and say "No, not THAT one!" about each one he attempts. I will give them names if he asks why not.
I think my biggest struggle has been Levi buying Eric inappropriate video games and that I don't think the supervisor believes me when I answer her question with the truth. I can quickly become exasperated if I think about it too much. "Yes, my life with him was/is ridiculous. That's why we hired you, remember?" I won't go into detail (for my own sake) but my faith is tested every Sunday, from 2-5, when I drop Eric off with the 2 of them. Levi slaps on his "happy mask", whips out his wallet, and tries to convince them both that he is a humble, sane victim of an angry ex-wife. Well, hell hath no fury...ha. Just because I loathe him doesn't mean I'd ever do anything to attack him. That would require more of my time and energy -- 2 resources I'm done devoting to him. But the same logic applies if I were ever to come upon him lying in a gutter somewhere... Just sayin'.

D)ignity. I got some test results back earlier this week. Ladies, you know the kinda TEST I'm talkin' about here. *Wink wink* Yeah, that ONE test you have to take ONCE a year that leaves you feeling beautiful, refreshed and completely violated. Ok, so now that we're all on the same horrifying page, I will continue. I had gone to my doctor (whom I love and would recommend to anyone; it helps that she is female), and as I'm lounging about the office in my runway-ready (white, goose-bumpy butt cheeks are SO in right now) paper-thin gown (ha!), we begin talking about what's new. Well, I tried a new nail polish, began a new season of Pretty Little Liars, and oh yeah, I left my abusive husband. I gave her 2, TWO, examples of things Levi does and she came right back with "It sounds like he's a sociopath." It was like she was commenting on a carpet sample, it was so obvious and casual. I tried (awkwardly) to sit up in the stirrups. My hands came flying up in relieved exasperation because that is EXACTLY what I believe Levi to be. I've been researching his behavior for YEARS. And that is what I've come up with. And the more I research, the more I believe I'm right. It was music to my ears. She backed me up 100%. Did I mention I liked this woman? On a side note, evidence suggests that women who kindly remove their dignity before stepping onto a scale weigh less.

D)iet. I found myself to be husband-intolerant. So I took him out of my diet. I lost 195 lbs instantly and feel great! *Not recommended for everyone. Consult your doctor before beginning any diet plan. Consult your attorney before beginning this particular plan.